I don't know what to title this.

© Danielle Scruggs

Maybe it's the changing weather.
Maybe it's the night time coming earlier and earlier.
Maybe it's the never-ending deadlines.
Maybe it's the somewhat disturbing news I received when I went back home a couple of weeks ago.

I don't know what it is but I've been feeling out of sorts as of late. Knocked off course and not really knowing how to right myself. I feel as though I need a retreat. It might be time to get away from computers, away from the city, away from cell phones, maybe even take some time away from my baby (that's my camera; not that I've been taking a whole lot of photos lately.)

//

One of the best days I had was when I was in Chicago a few weeks ago. I walked from my parents' house to the lakefront. The sky was gray and the air was damp and chilly. What struck me was the roar of the waves as they crashed against the shore. I must have taken it for granted when I lived there, because it seemed louder than I remembered it. The waves seemed more ferocious than I remembered them. It was such a calming feeling, hearing the waves and seeing the sky and clouds stretch out to infinity in front of me. I felt so small...

I can't explain it very well. I just know that I felt somewhat at peace that day and I would like to have that feeling again.

It's strange. The same things that have been so exciting in the past few months have also been draining me; making me anxious and slightly unsure as to whether I can really pull this off; if I can really accomplish everything that's been placed in my path. Deep down, I know I can. But that knowledge doesn't prevent that unwelcome house guest Self-Doubt from coming in and settling down.