"Fearless y Vulnerable."

 © Danielle Scruggs

I know two people who talk about the importance of vulnerability a great deal. They're both beautiful, inspiring multi-hyphenates---writers/bloggers/scholars/designers/artistic muses (I dare say---they're muses for me anyway). One I've known since college*, the other I met a couple of months ago through Twitter of all places. I'm glad they're both in my life because they constantly remind me, either directly or indirectly, of just how much strength it takes to be vulnerable; to pursue intimate, honest connection.

I've always wanted to be that way. Fearless and vulnerable and unapologetically me. It's hard though. It's hard to realize that we can't always control outcomes. That sometimes it's just not our time. That sometimes the expectations you had for yourself don't always mesh with your current reality.

It's hard when life hands you and your family ugly reminders that life is so unpredictable, that so much is out of our hands. It's hard not to build walls around yourself when those things happen. It's hard not to retreat.

But just because it's hard doesn't mean it's impossible. And I've noticed that when I've allowed myself to be my most vulnerable---those moments when I was scared to death to share a photo with someone or a piece of writing---that's when I've been able to really connect with people. Those are the moments I've realized that somehow, through some miracle, my words or my images were able to reach someone, to speak to that person and illustrate some shared or familiar experience.

I'm working on becoming fearless and vulnerable to the core. As off-kilter as the past year or so has been, in particular the past three months (for a whole host of reasons I won't list here, lest I bore and/or exhaust you, dear reader), there are too many good things in this life to shrink away from because of fear.

Ever onward.

*Actually, I had a crush on him that I never told him about and honestly, I'm glad I never did. We probably need to be in each other's lives the way we are now, not the way I wanted it when I first met him.